Saturday, August 05, 2006

Watch Out Bushes!

My husband learned a very valuable lesson today. From this day forward, he will never let me use the electric hedge clippers again. He was going to mow the lawn, so I thought I would be nice and help out by clipping the hedges. I offered to mow and would have done a pretty good job because I know how to mow. I thought I knew how to cut shrubs, but anyone brave enough to drive by my house will be able to see that I do NOT know how to trim shrubs.

I started out with a shrub that I really don't like and was going to trim it into a nice smaller shrub. I didn't realize that it was entirely brown under all the green. So know I have a nice rounded brown shrub by my garage. (Wonderful!)

Then, we have (excuse me...HAD) these long shrubs with some little shrubs in front of them. The little shrubs looked like a mass of tumbleweeds, so I thought it would be good to clip those way down. Now we have three masses of little branches sticking out of the grown just waiting to injure some small child who dares to take a step in the flower bed. They look like some kind of torture device from the 1700's that would definitely make someone talk!

Well, when I ever-so-crudely chopped those down, there was a big hole under the bigger hedge that was behind it. Now, I really don't like this hedge/bush thing either. It is a big rectangular mass of limbs and leaves that desperately needs to be cut back and gently manicured into a beautiful bush. So, that is what I tried to do. When Brian came to see my progress, I wasn't sure if his reaction was from shock, dismay or utter denial. He wasn't too happy that the long hedge ended up being two bushes with great big holes in it. I think deep down inside I thought that if I ruined them, we could pull them out and go get some really nice, cute little bushes. Brian told me that we couldn't re-landscape our flower beds today and that I should probably try to fix them.

So, I kind of did...MacGyver style. I couldn't make the two bushes become one again, but I did figure out a way to fill up all the holes. I took all the branches that I had cut off and put them back into the bush to fill the holes. Yes, I know...they will die. Well, it is August, right? Fall is just around the corner and all the leaves are going to die anyway. So, they won't look out of place for too long. When all the other leaves die, I will cut back all the bushes and start over with beautiful new (little) bushes in the spring. How's that for creative? (My poor husband just shook his head when I told him about my solution!)

In the meantime, they still look pretty rough. People can just drive by, point and laugh at my bushes. I am good with it. As a bonus, I did find a few bricks, a cinderblock and lots of wiring hiding under these bushes. By the looks of the bushes, they have been there awhile. In all of this, I may have found my true calling. Maybe I should start my own business for people who want to kill all their bushes.


Eco said...

This is great! And it is exactly why I don't do any type of yard work anymore. In fact, one of the best parts about my parents moving to town is that they love to do yard work ... and they're good at it, too! I could rent my mom out if you're interested. :-)

Anonymous said...

Maybe you should stick to puppet volcanoes and school bus

stace said... say you let your parents do it, but I have seen pictures of your lawn boy. :-) I may need to get with your mom and learn a few tricks on pruning! What does she charge?

stace said...

Anonymous -- They look about as good as the house I made for the puppets...only I spent more time on the bushes. Talk about frightening!

Eco said...

Ah, lawn boy is a sight to behold, but he doesn't do the pruning, etc., he just mows the lawn (and I would happily pay him oodles to do that). Mom on the other hand comes free-of-charge ... what a deal!