Nobody warned me that raising kids was going to be so confusing. I love my children very much, but sometimes, I just don't know what to do with them. Yesterday, I received a call from school about David. Not only had David been moved to red (green is good, yellow is a warning and red is really bad) during naptime, but he was caught wandering around the room...TWICE...trying to find people to talk to. Then last night, he and Nathan did something that David knows is wrong and from what I gathered, David was the instigator and the leader in the whole thing. So, then I am stuck with the ultimate parenting dilemma...what punishment do I dole out to make sure both of them know I am not happy with their actions and to prevent it from happening again? After I finally decided how to discipline them and took care of that part, I spent the whole night wondering if I had done the right thing (while they slept peacefully and didn't think about it again!)
Then this morning, I was reminded about the blessings that little instigator bestows. Brian dropped David off at school and was approached by Jacob's mom. Jacob is a little boy in David's Pre-K class that was born with an extra chromosome. He is THE SWEETEST little boy, and David and Jacob have become the best little buddies over the past year. Jacob's mom apologized for asking any personal questions but said she had heard that we were keeping David in the Pre-K program another year rather than sending him to kindergarten and wanted to know if it was true. Brian told her that it was true, and she was so excited that they would be together for another year. She then proceeded to tell Brian how David had been such a blessing for Jacob. She talked about how well they play together and how David has helped Jacob.
Now, the decision to keep David back and not send him on to Kindergarten has been soooo hard for us. We have been back and forth on what to do. We have prayed and cried (well, I have cried) and gotten frustrated with each other and ourselves on what to do. I think we have found peace in our decision now, but Jacob's mom made something even clearer today. David and Nathan aren't here to live life as I have planned or Brian has planned. They are here to live life as God has planned, and He is already using them. I always concentrate on what I am supposed to be doing to mold them to become Christian men, but I forget that they are also already molding me and the people around them.
Knowing that still doesn't make all those tough decisions easy, but it really does help put everything in perspective. I would still love an owner's manual that tells me what to do in every situation, but that would be too easy and probably a little too boring. So for now, I will stick with teaching them through God's word and with a lot of prayer. Even more than that, I will work at trying to seek out those blessings every day so that I can focus on the goodness in my children rather than those moments that are quickly making me gray and tired.